The Water Bottle Squeeze Trick

All too often I get off of work late at night only hurry to my local coffee shop and lay some bullshit stories out for the poor guy running the counter. The Taylor kid suggested I write some crap online, embellish things, then $$$. I just remembered I had this blog where I bitched mostly about my Mother but hadn't updated it in a year. I don't know where the money comes in, but here's some tales of The Dude Named Vince.

I was routing around the back of the work fridge and found a bunch of water bottles I bought and left there a few months back. They piled up in the bottom tray and were ignored during fridge cleanings. I was really thirsty, so I grabbed a bottle and tried to twist off the cap to no avail. The things was bulging out, super pressurized, I would not come off. I gave it to a few people to try and open but nobody, not even a girl, could open it. A coworker, Michael, decided that releasing the pressure would make the task easier. He shoved a syringe into the side with an audible snap. The cap still wouldn't twist off but the stupid bottle was leaking now. I held the bottle sideways to prevent it from getting water all over my stuff and occasionally held the hole up to my face and squeezed a small stream of water out. Just hearing the sound, Michael commented that it made him want to take a piss. Walking around the office I kneeled next to Ludwig and whispered to him, "Do you know what it sounds like when I piss into peoples' mouths?" He made a face of disgust and gave me a dirty look. While looking him in the eye I squeezed the bottle into my open mouth, echoing the sound of peeing into a toilet. He was totally freaked out as I walked away to wander around the hospital a bit more.