So I'm talking to a girl I've known since Jr. High, Stephanie, on Face Book and because its me it turns into a whiny bitch-fest. She hates her job, I hate being in college for too long. She broke up with an alcoholioc loser, I gave up on dating awhile ago. All this is thru IMs, so its like a two hour conversation. She finishes bitching about her friend-with-benefits and asks me out. I politely decline, saying I wouldn't mind hanging out sometime, but I'm thinking: "NOOOO! That's cheating!"
All the stuff I told her was pretty much the truth, most of it embarassing, but dating has nothing to do with the truth. It's all about guys lying to get into a girl's pants. It's in the refractory periods, when a guy's blood is rushing from one head to the other, that he can't keep his act straight and the lies unreveal, that the truth comes out. Girls, you want a guy to tell you the truth, fuck his brains out.
I just don't get dating: I think you're cute, so I spend money one you, because giving the money directly to you is prostitution and that's illegal. Eventually I knock you up, or you nag me into proposing, but eventually we break up cause we really hate each other. Who the hell invented this anyways?
Apr 9, 2010
Feb 8, 2010
Am I 10% Psycho?
I'm getting back into the swing of taking classes again and its hard. I'm one of those guys who can sit in class and stare out the window and get a 'B', or study my ass off for an 'A'. My goal's to go into the medical field so I gotta do the latter and its so hard, my motivation is close to zero unless I'm actively thinking about the future. Sadly 'Giving a Shit' is something you're born with.
Continuing on, I'm a psychology student. I developed an interest in the subject by looking through my grandmother's textbooks when I was growing up with her. When you think about it, everything we experience or do as humans are filtered through the brain, which made (and still does) me think this was the key to everything about people and would make it the most interesting and useful subject to study. I was lucky to meet people who felt this was a decade later in college (Matt King, I know you're out there!). Sadly this isn't the typical reason a college student elects to major in psychology, its because they think something's wrong with them and they want to break out the Diagnostic Manual to treat themselves with a little frontier medicine. While there were some serious people in the Psychology honors society, in general it was an actual pack of loonies.
Another decade later and I'm back in school and I can't help but wonder what's up with my head that's put me where I'm at now. It's no wonder, having an interest in medicine, psychology, and the executive bureaus I've been watching tons of House and Law & Order. With my difficulties with emotions I've began wondering if I'm a little psychotic. This isn't the dramatized psychosis of broadcast and cinema, but the more technical side involving brain processes.
I usually run on auto and let other people determine the tone of our relationship. People experience things differently as well as create, forget, and re-edit their memories of those experience. It can be unsettling to think that people you know not only don't think of you differently from how you think of them, but their memories of you and vice versa don't coincide.
I don't have a true grasp on some emotions and I'm aware of this. I tend to let others determine the nature of our relationship. This seems to be a bit weird to bounce around life, but its all I can do sometimes. Or maybe I'm normal and just need to stop self-diagnosing myself. It should be the first thing they teach these crazy psychology students.
Continuing on, I'm a psychology student. I developed an interest in the subject by looking through my grandmother's textbooks when I was growing up with her. When you think about it, everything we experience or do as humans are filtered through the brain, which made (and still does) me think this was the key to everything about people and would make it the most interesting and useful subject to study. I was lucky to meet people who felt this was a decade later in college (Matt King, I know you're out there!). Sadly this isn't the typical reason a college student elects to major in psychology, its because they think something's wrong with them and they want to break out the Diagnostic Manual to treat themselves with a little frontier medicine. While there were some serious people in the Psychology honors society, in general it was an actual pack of loonies.
Another decade later and I'm back in school and I can't help but wonder what's up with my head that's put me where I'm at now. It's no wonder, having an interest in medicine, psychology, and the executive bureaus I've been watching tons of House and Law & Order. With my difficulties with emotions I've began wondering if I'm a little psychotic. This isn't the dramatized psychosis of broadcast and cinema, but the more technical side involving brain processes.
I usually run on auto and let other people determine the tone of our relationship. People experience things differently as well as create, forget, and re-edit their memories of those experience. It can be unsettling to think that people you know not only don't think of you differently from how you think of them, but their memories of you and vice versa don't coincide.
I don't have a true grasp on some emotions and I'm aware of this. I tend to let others determine the nature of our relationship. This seems to be a bit weird to bounce around life, but its all I can do sometimes. Or maybe I'm normal and just need to stop self-diagnosing myself. It should be the first thing they teach these crazy psychology students.
Jan 30, 2010
Double booked
Location: Phoenix Metro Train
Time: 0800
I was called a week ago by a supervisor asking if I could work today and I jumped on the chance. I asked why the schedule wasn't updated the last time I worked and just got a shrug, but found out there were two people working at the slot. I guess since I was only seven minutes early and the other person was already there I lost out on it. Such bullshit.
Classes just started @ ASU and this kinda heralds back to my freshman year some odd years ago. I'm so glad I cut my classes down to four a semester and not working 40 hours a week. I ended up dropping out back then more for financial reasons than anything else, but my grades started suffering towards the end. My GPA dipped down to 3.2 and now its gonna bite me in the ass.
I just met with an advisor at the Honors College (biggest in the world, or so they boast) to ask some admissions questions.
Plus: there's no cap for how many transfer student they admit, unlike freshmen and sophmores.
Minus: you need a 3.6 GPA to be considered when their website claims 3.2 .
I'll have to wait until my grades come out and I'm shooting for straight A's for the whole Med school thing anyways, but its still a bit frustrating.
Two weeks probabld isn't a long enough time to judge, but if I keep getting slow hours @ work I'll have no problem juggling work and school. Between the GIBill and some loans I won't be too worried about money, but I'm still waiting for the checks to come in and these car repairs are eating into my budget (which is why I'm riding the train).
So, not such a funny post. I'm thinking about going into my Comedy fetish and spinning my fear of crowds and public speech into it. Be prepared for light chuckles.
Time: 0800
I was called a week ago by a supervisor asking if I could work today and I jumped on the chance. I asked why the schedule wasn't updated the last time I worked and just got a shrug, but found out there were two people working at the slot. I guess since I was only seven minutes early and the other person was already there I lost out on it. Such bullshit.
Classes just started @ ASU and this kinda heralds back to my freshman year some odd years ago. I'm so glad I cut my classes down to four a semester and not working 40 hours a week. I ended up dropping out back then more for financial reasons than anything else, but my grades started suffering towards the end. My GPA dipped down to 3.2 and now its gonna bite me in the ass.
I just met with an advisor at the Honors College (biggest in the world, or so they boast) to ask some admissions questions.
Plus: there's no cap for how many transfer student they admit, unlike freshmen and sophmores.
Minus: you need a 3.6 GPA to be considered when their website claims 3.2 .
I'll have to wait until my grades come out and I'm shooting for straight A's for the whole Med school thing anyways, but its still a bit frustrating.
Two weeks probabld isn't a long enough time to judge, but if I keep getting slow hours @ work I'll have no problem juggling work and school. Between the GIBill and some loans I won't be too worried about money, but I'm still waiting for the checks to come in and these car repairs are eating into my budget (which is why I'm riding the train).
So, not such a funny post. I'm thinking about going into my Comedy fetish and spinning my fear of crowds and public speech into it. Be prepared for light chuckles.
Jan 10, 2010
Retarded Fight Club
We get quite a few volunteers at the hospital and we have a guy named Denny who comes in that's mentally handicapped. One of my co-workers asked why I avoided the guy and didn't like to be around him, so I told him.
When I was in elementary school I was freakishly tall. In 5th grade I was the third tallest student, about as tall as my mother and grandmother. No of my classmates messed with me and I'm way too timid to bully anyone, but I did have my share of fights. I don't know how it came about but someone told some of the special ed kids I was always making fun of them. These two kids, William and Byron, would try and jump me at recess. I usually tripped them or threw them into walls or playground equipment, but I developed a certain weariness of handicapped people.
The thing is I've spent much of my youth around retarded people. I grew up down the street from an assisted living home and had classes with a few of them. Still, I don't like being around them now. Its odd how the smaller animal parts of the brain can override our rational side.
When I was in elementary school I was freakishly tall. In 5th grade I was the third tallest student, about as tall as my mother and grandmother. No of my classmates messed with me and I'm way too timid to bully anyone, but I did have my share of fights. I don't know how it came about but someone told some of the special ed kids I was always making fun of them. These two kids, William and Byron, would try and jump me at recess. I usually tripped them or threw them into walls or playground equipment, but I developed a certain weariness of handicapped people.
The thing is I've spent much of my youth around retarded people. I grew up down the street from an assisted living home and had classes with a few of them. Still, I don't like being around them now. Its odd how the smaller animal parts of the brain can override our rational side.
Dec 5, 2009
Philosophical Insights From a Lame Guy
More posts with a cell phone? Yes!
I recently got hired at a hospital and pretty much the first day I wore my scrubs I got them filthy. This didn't happen during my shift however. This occurred about an hour after punching out at a (surprise) cafe. A guy in a wheelchair was outside yelling into a cell phone about being unable to date owing to his inablity to attain an erection. He basically screamed "No one can fuck me!" And threw his latte against a wall very close to my head before muttering an apology and wheeling off.
The milk and coffee came out in the wash, but the scene left me with a small impression: is that what 'love' boils down to this unfortunate man?
I never really understood the concept of Love, even though people throw the word around constantly. People are as likely to decry their love of chocolate as of another human, but it surely has a different meaning.
I was took up the Socratic mantle and asked tons of people to define the word love. Most people immeadiately describing the kind of love the crippled man craved, the kind of erotic love found between the legs of someone you're attracted to.
Was love merely a vestige of Man's mating habits? God's way of tricking rational beings to procreate?
Much like Socrates, people quickly grew angry when questioned about the foundations of their beliefs in Love and related topics and I had to drop the subject after a few rounds of "Why?"
In psychology I learned some of the foundations of attraction and bonding. How important neurotransmitters are to how we percieve others. Of how Man's rational mind doesn't kick in until after we make decisions. I peeled back this onion in my mind and none of this information satisfied my mind. In disecting the subject I seemed to have killed it.
Perhaps our lame friend was right, love just boils down to cold mechanics. But one can only hope for the illusion of something timeless and perfect that lasts forever and even if this is the little, white lie we tell ourselves to justify our actions and reactions, it is at the core of what being alive is all about. Man didn't build civilazation merely because he could, he did it to impress the ladies.
I recently got hired at a hospital and pretty much the first day I wore my scrubs I got them filthy. This didn't happen during my shift however. This occurred about an hour after punching out at a (surprise) cafe. A guy in a wheelchair was outside yelling into a cell phone about being unable to date owing to his inablity to attain an erection. He basically screamed "No one can fuck me!" And threw his latte against a wall very close to my head before muttering an apology and wheeling off.
The milk and coffee came out in the wash, but the scene left me with a small impression: is that what 'love' boils down to this unfortunate man?
I never really understood the concept of Love, even though people throw the word around constantly. People are as likely to decry their love of chocolate as of another human, but it surely has a different meaning.
I was took up the Socratic mantle and asked tons of people to define the word love. Most people immeadiately describing the kind of love the crippled man craved, the kind of erotic love found between the legs of someone you're attracted to.
Was love merely a vestige of Man's mating habits? God's way of tricking rational beings to procreate?
Much like Socrates, people quickly grew angry when questioned about the foundations of their beliefs in Love and related topics and I had to drop the subject after a few rounds of "Why?"
In psychology I learned some of the foundations of attraction and bonding. How important neurotransmitters are to how we percieve others. Of how Man's rational mind doesn't kick in until after we make decisions. I peeled back this onion in my mind and none of this information satisfied my mind. In disecting the subject I seemed to have killed it.
Perhaps our lame friend was right, love just boils down to cold mechanics. But one can only hope for the illusion of something timeless and perfect that lasts forever and even if this is the little, white lie we tell ourselves to justify our actions and reactions, it is at the core of what being alive is all about. Man didn't build civilazation merely because he could, he did it to impress the ladies.
Dec 4, 2009
Dirty Confessions from a Cell Phone
A: Who goes to coffee shops on a Friday night?
Q: Old people and minors (guess who I am)
I just moved out of my parents house into my own apartment, mirroring my life roughly seven years ago ironically coinciding with the aforementioned High School Reunion. And tonight Jacob Grider (sp?) is performing at this shop, an old friend from Willis Jr High. Ah, life at its finest.
I've been feeling a bit lonely, Winter being the season we draw to others for warmth and comfort. Yes, even I who is so disinclined towards other seek the company of my own kinds, but I remain ever incompetent when dealing with other people.
I wish back for those times not so long ago when I was a phone call away from good times with decent people.
Of course seven years ago I was leaving for the military forever with no knowledge of the actual date. I passed some rediculous smart-people test and the Air Fore wanted my ass. They lost my paperwork a couple of times and sicced the sheriff's office on me when I tried to bilk out on them. All told it took 13 months from me signing up to me shipping out.
In that time I partied like a man with a death sentence. I drank myself into alcohol poisoning, dated a lesbian, dumped a cancer patient, sold porno online, solicited donations for the Republican Party, and flirted with public acts of poetry among other acts during my year in limbo. I was terribly shady during this time, going so far as proposing marriage to anything I could legally marry.
I didn't do certain things because of the military issue. I should have flirted a bit more with drugs, so I'd know what I'm missing, or maybe tried to have an actual relatioship with someone a cared for, instead of treating every girl like 'one last fling'.
I was a little too young when I began my college career, but I'm older now and its seldom in life we get a second chance to do things over. I'm re-starting college in six weeks with a totally blank slate. No friends, no family. Just me and my will.
Perhaps its the best lesson a man can learn.
Q: Old people and minors (guess who I am)
I just moved out of my parents house into my own apartment, mirroring my life roughly seven years ago ironically coinciding with the aforementioned High School Reunion. And tonight Jacob Grider (sp?) is performing at this shop, an old friend from Willis Jr High. Ah, life at its finest.
I've been feeling a bit lonely, Winter being the season we draw to others for warmth and comfort. Yes, even I who is so disinclined towards other seek the company of my own kinds, but I remain ever incompetent when dealing with other people.
I wish back for those times not so long ago when I was a phone call away from good times with decent people.
Of course seven years ago I was leaving for the military forever with no knowledge of the actual date. I passed some rediculous smart-people test and the Air Fore wanted my ass. They lost my paperwork a couple of times and sicced the sheriff's office on me when I tried to bilk out on them. All told it took 13 months from me signing up to me shipping out.
In that time I partied like a man with a death sentence. I drank myself into alcohol poisoning, dated a lesbian, dumped a cancer patient, sold porno online, solicited donations for the Republican Party, and flirted with public acts of poetry among other acts during my year in limbo. I was terribly shady during this time, going so far as proposing marriage to anything I could legally marry.
I didn't do certain things because of the military issue. I should have flirted a bit more with drugs, so I'd know what I'm missing, or maybe tried to have an actual relatioship with someone a cared for, instead of treating every girl like 'one last fling'.
I was a little too young when I began my college career, but I'm older now and its seldom in life we get a second chance to do things over. I'm re-starting college in six weeks with a totally blank slate. No friends, no family. Just me and my will.
Perhaps its the best lesson a man can learn.
Nov 30, 2009
Pitch: A Real Love Story
"Chasing Sophia"
A modern love story, sans romance, from a male point of view. We follow a young boy barely discovering the differences between boys and girls through adolescence to adulthood. After detailing various crushes, obsessions, and flings with several females before the protagonist comes to realize he's chasing a romanticized ideal and not an actual person. After a bout of despair and depression the man comes to terms with 'the many faced temptress' and comes to relate to women on a personal level, not based upon how they make him feel. The book's ending is vague and seemingly without conclusion.
Guaranteed to be rejected by both sexes, the piece will be most known by devout fans who argue about the female archetypes and religious undertones of the novel.
A modern love story, sans romance, from a male point of view. We follow a young boy barely discovering the differences between boys and girls through adolescence to adulthood. After detailing various crushes, obsessions, and flings with several females before the protagonist comes to realize he's chasing a romanticized ideal and not an actual person. After a bout of despair and depression the man comes to terms with 'the many faced temptress' and comes to relate to women on a personal level, not based upon how they make him feel. The book's ending is vague and seemingly without conclusion.
Guaranteed to be rejected by both sexes, the piece will be most known by devout fans who argue about the female archetypes and religious undertones of the novel.
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